When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
When did we convert life to cartoon?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
