I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
