i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
