i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
