this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
