do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
