I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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