Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
