Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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