Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
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who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
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I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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