end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
only if we run a train.
done.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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