What a fucking waste of an outfit
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
