I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
