I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
