I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
