North Korea, Best Korea!
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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