But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
