Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
