Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
