Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
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