butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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