she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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