I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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