cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
