I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
