I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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