I wanna passion pit in your ass
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
