I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
