He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
