My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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