Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
