Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize