already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
