Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
