My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
