he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I need to stop coming to work sober
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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