What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
