I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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