dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
