I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
