I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
