something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
