i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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