Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It's rum buckets o'clock
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
