oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
