Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
