I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
