If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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