we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
