her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
