Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
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I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
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Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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