I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
