we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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