he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
