Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
