He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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