Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
