I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
