Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
