As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
