im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
